Preparing a blessing

Francois?

Good evening Frank.

How are you tonight?

I am fine, thanks. I have a lot to share and check with you… I did much thinking and reading and remembering.

So what do you say, what do people want?

People want everything, or most of the things, on a high, generalised level in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

Needs… they may be different than wants. You need food, not true?

Sure, to survive.

What kinds of foods are going to depend on your wants at the moment, the state you are in, the values at play, influences from outside… like weather, time of day, advertising... All of that will influence your choice of a donut or a healthy salad.

OK that makes sense. So I may want something I don’t need, if I take this argument a little further.

Yes, so true. Or you may need something you don’t really want. Like insurance.

*both chuckle *

The point about Maslow is that it gives a general and broad outline of needs, Francois. If you want to know what people want, you have to get a little more specific.

I worked it out like this… what we want will depend on where we are, with whom and what the surroundings and time are. But even then there is a plethora of choices of what I will do to get what I want, and I will make those choices based on skill and experience – skill in making the appropriate choices, previous experiences. In short I must be comfortable that I am competent to make the choices at hand. It does not end there. I will make choices of what I want in line with my values and beliefs that are at play in that specific context, and perhaps in most contexts – so here to it depends. What is the strongest, my core values or the one that will get reinforced by my actions in that specific context? Then the choices get narrowed even more by how they will allow the expression of who I am. And last but not least, actually the overarching, most deeply reaching and profound, is that for everything I do, am and have there is some greater purpose, some significance that is beyond my small self. *Robert Dilts – Neurological Levels

Hey, that is a pretty comprehensive summary! Would this be useful for groups, teams and organisations too?

Yes, sure. I can imagine that every group has a set of environment/s, behaviours, skills and capabilities, values and beliefs, identity and greater purpose that is more or less coherent. It may be context specific, and to some degree overlap with the sets of individuals. Hey, come to think of it, people may choose the groups they belong to based on their own set of these criteria. That is if they have a choice. Or they may be brainwashed into accepting the collective set of criteria as their own personal set.

You are on a roll! Let’s pull out one of the levels – the outwardly visible one – behaviour, and add to that language; what we do and what we say. You sure have preferences in how you express yourself in your behaviour: you like things ‘indirect’. So let’s digress for a moment and talk about how people [want to] act.

OK. Some people prefer to wait, consider, and be cautious, before acting, being reactive, whereas someone that prefers to be pro-active will act fast, gets things done. Some people focus on achieving a goal, vision, desire, sometimes without seeing the hindrances, whereas others are naturally inclined to identify and solve problems, avoid unpleasant or painful situations. Some people motivate themselves from within, while those with an external locus of motivation need instructions/directions from the outside to become motivated. Another set of these meta programmes is that some people are motivated by opportunities, possibilities, and may have difficulties following procedures, whereas others prefer following procedures and are motivated by following tried and tested methods. Some people prefer their environment to stay the same over time; others prefer gradual change – evolution – some want to add some radical change to that, and others prefer change to be frequent and drastic.

And would you say that groups, even as big as whole cultures, have tendencies to be more of this than the other?

Oh sure! Let’s compare the ancient Greeks and Egyptians briefly. The Egyptians did not like change much and stayed more or less unchanged for 3000 years, they were highly ‘procedural’ with much depending on ritual and season. Rarely were they pro-active in seeking empire. They were utterly goal orientated though – even building big pyramids to ensure a comfortable afterlife. The Greeks were innovative, seeing opportunities in the discoveries and exploits of Alexander the Great, easily adopted other cultures. But they were difficult to keep unified.

Good. Let’s continue in this vein. Remember that the Egyptians attention was also inwardly focussed, where the Greeks were outwardly focussed.

Yes, some people would be focussed on what they are feeling and thinking and experiencing, rather than what they are doing and what effect it has on others… and some by default would prefer people to things and ideas, or vice versa. When some people face adversity they rationalise, think about it and think about thinking about it, while others feel deeply, passionately, and perhaps uncontrollably, whereas some do both in more or less moderate amounts. Some people by default want to see the big picture, and others want the details. Some love working or being by themselves, some like having people around and some like doing things together with other people. Oh, and then there are ‘the rules’. Some people have their own set of rules and don’t care about other’s rules, or all others must fall in with theirs. Other people don’t have their own – they follow the rules of their society, culture and religion. Other still operate by own rules and respect and expect others to have their own rules also.

Frank, when I told you to create a blessing is hard work, I meant that you must find out all these things in preparation.

Ah, I see. And I suppose the execution of the blessing is also hard work because there must be some more conditions for it to be effective..?

Yes. We’ll get there. If you found out what someone wants and let them hear it and have faith in it in the way that is most powerful for them, what you say will have value and effect. Some people need to hear it but once and will go away convinced. Others need to see, and others need to hear from other people too. Some people need to hear it several times…

So they need to be three times blessed.

… and others would need to hear it for a time. Some still need to hear and see some evidence continuously.

The eternal pessimists. They are incapable of faith.

Now, Francois. Are all people that do not take at face value all that are presented to them always incapable of faith? You have just stereotyped and generalised, and that in a negative way. Perhaps the gift of pessimism is that once convinced, their faith is unshakable, and theirs is not an uninformed faith, taken for granted.

Point taken.

Before we part one last thing… remember that all these things are preferences. Everyone has default filters and behaviours, but everyone still make use of all the others during the course of a day. But, when you converse with someone using their default settings, so to speak, the message hits home so much easier.

So Frank, let me see if I can do this. May the rest that you are going to have tonight refresh and energise you in ways you have not yet imagined!

A good start! And a good night to you too.

Not so fast – I have one last objection.

Sigh. What now?

Blessings are ‘performed’ by someone with religious or other authority, on behalf of a deity. I am no priest or patriarch so, me blessing others… I don’t know.

Yes, Francois. This is perhaps a good time to let you in on The Secret…

I’ve read it and seen the movie – it is way too New Agey and esoteric for me. The secret of The Secret is having a well-formed outcome. Your other-than conscious makes it come true. As Paolo Coelho says in The Alchemist – when you want something the whole universe conspires for you to get it.

So you explain something that happens inside a person… Wanting something in the right way puts internal ‘machinery’ in motion. Is that it?

Yes, more or less, Frank. I take ‘universe’ to mean the benevolent, unbound and other-than conscious (it is neither unconscious, sub-conscious, or super-conscious, neither higher nor lower conscious).

Great – that describes one of the three facets of being actualised. The Secret, Francois, is that no one can actualise if they don’t at the same time assist to actualise others. Remember the principle of reciprocity? Or to put it in other words, blessing others requires having done the work on your self to be a blessing.

OK, I understand that. You said three facets...?

Yep, the third facet is that of developing a clear and strong relationship with God – the source of all blessings. You become the conduit of blessings.

So, being actualised is very different from Maslow’s self-actualisation!

Good pick-up! Yes, it means a fully developed ‘self’ with a Purpose greater than himself, who puts people in touch with their Purpose, being the messenger of the Ultimate Purpose.

I am struck dumb.

You will get used to the idea. So let me say goodnight now. You will rest well and while you sleep you may ponder many possibilities of wonderful blessing you could be, and be sharing with people, people all around you or distant people, all in need of words that will give them hope in tomorrow, confidence for today and peace about yesterday… pointing the way to their Purpose as you have found yours. Good night.

Good night, Frank.

Being, Blessings and Actualisation

Good morning Frank, How have you been?

I’ve been very well thank you… pondering the meaning of existence and fireworks.

Fireworks! Frank, sometimes you make we wonder.

Good, then I am fulfilling my aim. Aren’t fireworks just the most amazing thing? They work very hard to get high in the sky, make a lot of smoke and noise and then they unfold in the most amazing shapes and colours, joyfully crackling themselves out of existence. And for those moments everyone seeing it is in awe.

OK. So where are we going with this today?

Patience! You are going to need that today. We are on our way to self-actualisation via a course in blessings. So let me fire away: what is a prophet?

Well, that is someone that can see the future, obviously. They foretell the future. Like Nostradamus, or Siener van Rensburg.

Ah, Francois, no. A prophet is someone whose blessings and curses become real in the future. They expand reality to future possibilities and due to the nature of the message, the nature of who brings it and who hears it, the blessings come to pass.

That’s different.

Isn’t it wonderful!? And what is more is that someone can be a blessing. In short, people blessed by being actualised are blessings to all around them. The wonderful thing about this is that there is a way open to all to become blessings, and this is something you can teach.

Wait, wait, wait. You want me to teach something I know nothing about! Doesn’t ‘teach’ presuppose competence, or qualification?

Sure. You are qualified. At least to start. You have learnt many wonderful things from many incredible people in your life and now is the time you start putting something back where all those gifts came from.

Frank, you know what? There are so many ‘systems’ and ‘schools’ out there, so many models and practices… I would be adding my voice to an unbearably loud choir… a cacophony of self-help messiahs.

Excuses. You will be directing a part of that choir, brining the voices into harmony.

That’s too big for me!

Complain as much as you like, Francois. No one has ever gotten away from the calling to be a prophet. That is far in the future, though… baby steps, baby steps. First you must learn how what you know builds up to the skill to perform a simple blessing, and for it to come true.

I am still reeling with the news and you want to start lesson 1! Frank, you really are a little disrespectful of my reality today.

I am nothing. You may be experiencing me like that. And at the moment I am experiencing you as lazy and unthankful, really ungrateful. So let’s cut the perceptions and get on with it, shall we?

Do I have a choice!?

Yes, and you will understand how in a moment. Let’s start with our last three conversations. You have learnt about Respect, Trust and Flexibility. That is your foundation – from these you can move further. Now, note that I say that these are your foundation – they are not the only foundation. Other people may have others…

Gee, thanks. We are still non-prescriptive.

Yes, that is in a way the nature of blessings. For now, remember that a blessing is performed only when you know what the most wanted and wholesome possibility is. So you have to find out what the person wants and package the blessing in such a way that you create a compelling fulfilment of just that. At the same time you are a blessing too.

Where are you taking me, Frank?

Humour me for a moment and allow me to ask a counter question. Sometimes you meet someone and you fall in love immediately, but this is not romantic love. You have a short conversation with this person and you feel, physically feel a warmth, a glow, aglow. And every time you think about this person you feel the same thing – an irresistible attraction. You want more of this person’s company. Do you know what I am talking about?

Sure, I know a couple such people. Some would say they are filled by the Holy Ghost… but one of them had given me this glow experience even before he became a Christian.

Absolutely! Their spirit is holy. And they become an actualised blessing when their faith is turned on, so to speak.

In that case, I have to add something to my foundation.

Yes, and that is?

Faith. Faith beyond belief.

Aaah, you are catching on quickly! Yes, you can add it, or you can consider it to be the ultimate kind of trust…

OK, let me see if I get this right. If I can find out how someone’s desires to be, with respect, flexibility and trust (or faith) of course, and ‘bless’ them in such a way that they have faith that the blessing will come to pass, it will. Is that it?

Yes! You see, simple. And you’ve nearly touched on the next thing… The second principle, if you would like to call it that, is that of reciprocity – you can only instil faith if you have faith, you can only learn of yourself if you learn of others, and vice versa. Give me some examples of people who you think were fully actualised.

Well, Jesus the Christ and Gautama the Buddha comes to mind.

Yes, of course, and there were some others too, some say Ghandi, some say Mandela… We see them as great people. What we pay back is our ultimate respect and trust, faith in some instances, the changing of our ways, ultimately. But what they have done was to bless nations and man-kind first by voicing a different reality. They had already gone some way on the road towards actualisation by encouraging the self-actualisation of groups of people – prophesying by guiding people’s decisions and actions towards the better future that they desired. So, in short the principle is that actualised individuals have showed the road to actualisation to others – it can not be attained in a vacuum.

Wow. Can I get off this bus now? I don’t think I will ever be a Ghandi, or a…

No, you won’t. That is, you won’t get off the bus and you won’t become a Ghandi because you will be pointing the road that they have travelled to others. Also, if you think of the people you have met who have blessed you with their mere presence and company, you will realise that they are just ordinary people.

Even that is a tall order, Frank.

Sure it is, but as I’ve told you before, you are equipped. So stop this faithlessness!

I’ll try.

No, don’t try. ‘Try’ presupposes failure. Do it. Not all of it at once, piece by piece. Remember that faith and effort are diametrically opposed to each other. The more you try to have faith the less faith you have… And remember that faith and work goes hand in glove. Blessing is the work a prophet does and the work of the people’s unconscious minds, their bodies, minds, souls… that is the work that will be done to make prophesies reality. The work you will be doing is to teach people how to notice and point out blessings, and how to become a blessing to others.

Who would want to learn that? From me?

When the student is ready the teacher will appear, and when the teacher is ready the students will appear. All you have to do for now is to write everything down. Now, let’s get back to what people want, and how they want it. This is a presupposition: to know what people want, and how, you need to know how they ‘work’.

Yes, that sounds fair. If I know that someone wants to see something happen (rather than hear it) then I should be pointing them to visible signals that it is happening.

Absolutely. You have to find out the colour, the brightness, the sounds the smells the everything that would let an individual know that they are getting what they want, and what values of theirs will be fulfilled. And remember that every individual wants something different, and in a different way. However, it becomes a little more involved to find out what groups of people want. Not impossible… Some advertising agencies get very close to what people want in certain contexts. And the bigger the group of people, the more work it takes to find out what they want, and to influence what they want. Not impossible… Hitler taught us a couple of lessons too.

Mmmm. Perhaps Hitler would have counted as one of the Blessed Actualised if he did not create the want he created which ate into the very existence of other peoples. He had no respect!

And you have strange insights sometimes. Let’s get back to reciprocity. How do you work? Do you think all humans work like that? What are the most basic operating systems all humans have in common? How do these components work together to make one individual want differently and different things from other people?

WAIT! One thing at a time, please!

Go and think about this: What are the most basic things every human ‘does’?

Alright. And how am I going to do that?

Well, look at yourself and go read a bit. And access al the wise and valuable learnings you’ve had. The second thing is: How do these basic things combine together so that we want what we want and get it?

The answer to this one is easy. Uniquely – there are infinite possibilities and unending, fascinating and wondrous combinations of whatever it is that makes people, people.

Well, said! But you still have to go find out, or recap. Because when you deliver a blessing it must be in exactly the right mix of things that will give it meaning to the one who hears it, that will make it compelling, inevitably desirable.

OK, Frank. Let me go learn.

And may your learnings be like a string of bright beads, moments of illumination, which, one after the other and all together provide you with something of inestimable value and beauty.

That was a blessing!

It was indeed. A small one. Now go create that.