Be the change...

… there are short cuts to change, learning and motivation…

Good morning, Francois.

Hi Frank, what have you been up to?

I’ve been thinking.

What about?

Well, you know in life there is enough uncertainty, nastiness, greed, trouble.  People can be trusted to do one thing - serve their own interest. It is a wonder that things go so well most of the time!

Morbid thoughts, Frank. Shouldn’t we rather talk about something more positive?

Oh, we are going to.  I don’t have to caution against the Pollyanna effect…

What’s that?

The way I understood it in the past is being overly optimistic, saying that all is fine even when the walls are collapsing around you.  That is the extreme version.  The nicely defined version is that we tend to agree with positive statements about ourselves and that our nonconscious seems to be more positive that our conscious mind process.

OK, Frank.  You can play with Pollyanna and I’ll play with Pygmalion.

Nice one!  Yes, believing in people, and especially believing that they are good and  could be great helps to create a climate and environment where that would become true.

Yes.  If you believe people are ‘children’ and should be treated like that (even though you say differently), the people will start acting like children.

Phew!  Self-fulfilling prophesy… vicious cycle… your belief had just been fed with evidence.

So Frank, we know that people will always serve self interest and we know that moral action is not exactly natural, although there seems to be an area in the brain that helps us make moral judgments…what do we need to believe about people that would create this mythical environment you are talking about.

Hey, I’m no utopian!  Before I share the beliefs with you, remember, the confidence you have must be 100% congruent.  If it is not authentic, it has no power!  There are ways we look at people that are exactly the opposite of helpful –

·         People generally dislike effort and try to avoid it.

·         People mostly lack ambition, avoid responsibility, and prefer to follow rather than lead.

·         People are self-centered and don't care about community goals and the wellbeing of the people around them.

·         People resist change, can’t or don’t want to learn and are not interested to improve themselves and their environment.

·         Most people are easily tricked and not particularly smart.

I can see how that mindset can prevent anything positive from coming from people, Frank.  There are actually people that have this belief system, these values?

Unfortunately yes.  It goes hand in hand with a ‘culture’ of entitlement.  ‘I deserve to be…’  ‘Life owes me…’  ‘I did not ask for…’

So what should we believe instead?

·         Making effort is as naturally enjoyable as recreation and rest.

·         People will be self-directed if they understand how what they want ties into the greater good of their community, family or culture.

·         People will be committed to achieving personal and social goals if their contributions and efforts are acknowledged and if they understand how it enriches them too.

·         People typically seek responsibility and are able to handle that responsibility in the kind of climate these beliefs create – such an environment encourages creativity and ingenuity.

Wow!  It’s very different from the “if you don’t work you don’t eat” kind of ethic… and it does not deny self interest, it just harnesses it for the greater good…

Yes, that and it implies empowerment… if we allow people to grow themselves positively, express their greatness, satisfy their curiosity – not at the cost of anything or anyone, but for their benefit – we are creating a climate for change, for learning, for growth, for cooperation and for a good future for all.

I see your point now… even though we know that our first impulse is selfish and not necessarily moral, believing in people’s moral side, their goodness, will just help to create the climate for their decisions to be moral, to be good.

Absolutely.

Frank, this is still a bit philosophical for me… How?

Ah, I knew you’d ask that.  Well for starters surround yourself with good people. 

Easier said than done. 

Sure.  You can do that in two ways – find the ones that are good, or turn some of the neutral and bad ones into good ones.

How?

Just be nice to people in the moment – in most cases they will respond positively.  Over time the more nasty ones will also come around. Reinforce good behaviours – thank, compliment, cooperate, show concern, involve – these are but a few of many positive things you can do to activate the pleasure centres of even the staunchest scarcity believers. 

OK, but will their being better behaved towards me guarantee their behaving better towards everybody, and most of the time?

All you need to do is to create a climate where they can change their own beliefs.  Wanting to change people ‘to be better’ falls within the first set of beliefs, Remember that.  So to answer your question, by creating a climate where they can’t maintain their old behaviours they also become better behaved towards others.  For an even greater effect, teach those that are positive and passionate about it how to be aware of the impact their behaviour has on others and to modulate it for the good of all.

Sounds very good…

Ah, yes, before I forget… have a look at Betari’s box.  Everything starts with you having a positive attitude.  If you do, you behave differently, and if you behave differently the people around you can’t help it – their attitudes change too.

OK Frank, enough already.  You sound like a motivational speaker.

You mean this is too “Ra-ra” for you?

Yes.  Give me some concrete scientific stuff to work with.  Make it real.

Alright.  In any of your interactions with people, if you want them to cooperate, to learn, to change, make sure that you activate the pleasure centres in their brains by minimising threats to their SCARF.

I take it that is an acronym and not a piece of clothing.

Yes, and it is a very nifty model. Where was I...?  Make sure that you minimise threats to their sense of Status in experience, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness and Fairness.

We’ve spoken about dominance and submission before, so I get that…

Sure, and here it is about relative status in the ‘pecking order’, not necessarily about being top dog.  If anyone experiences being pushed down in the pecking order, the fight or flight response kicks in and rationality goes out the door.  Bye-bye cooperation and learning.

I guess the same goes for when people are confused, the environment or ‘future’ they need to navigate being too unfamiliar?

Yes, and the same goes for if their free will, choice and freedom of action is taken away – when they are forced to do it “my way or take the highway.”

Interesting that if we lose our sense of belonging and connectedness we also go into defence mode.

Yes!  We are ultimately social creatures and if we experience that we are being singled out cut off of our social group or being ostracised, we don’t take to it very well.  Fair play is also very important.

So I take it that the moment we sense that we are being manipulated or being taken for a ride, or being herded down an avenue we would not have selected ourselves, we go ‘stubborn.’  But we said that people are not inherently stubborn… yet, it may look like that.

Sure, and good insight.  The moment you notice stubbornness in someone’s behaviour it is because they perceive a situation to be threatening.

Surely that’s their problem, not mine?

Nope.  If you are someone that works with people, with their learning and their motivation, you know better – it is your responsibility to create the climate where they learn comfortably.  As a matter of fact you must ensure that their experience is so effortless that they don’t even notice that they have made the changes they wanted or that was necessary for them to make.

So that’s not manipulation?

No.  Manipulation is when free will is taken away by subtle means.  You would be respecting free will here.

OK Frank, I need to go digest all of this.

That’s a good idea.  There are a couple of main things to remember – if you want others to display good-will towards you and everyone else, you can create the climate where this becomes a reality.  It all starts with your belief about people and your attitude towards them.  Just be friendly and remember to give them a sense of SCARF.  In a climate like this, people learn easily, cooperate, and make the changes that they need to make.

No mess no fuss.

*Both laugh*

The main thing is how does what we talked about change the way you deal with people?

 Well, I could give you an answer now, but how would I really know before I have tried any of this?

Good point.  Go do it. And get feedback so that you know if it works.

Sure.

So, let these learnings find their way into every cell of your brain and your body, every corpuscle of your being and begin to become powerful – a positive charge that are irresistible… and fun.

Thanks Frank.  And may your thinkings be fruitful until we chat again.